Communicating Right: Stop Violating One Another
Often when we think of the word violate, we think of someone perhaps being raped or beaten. But 99% of the violation
that goes on in our world happens at the micro social level. This is quite simply the most basic communication
we perform with one another. For example the very way we talk to one another can violate someone. Everything we
say and every attitude we have transmits a frequency, and these frequencies are often oppressive to those around us.
I want to say that this information is not here to turn us all into hypersensitive whiners to put
it bluntly. My aim
is to raise the awareness of the often overlooked nuances that happen when we communicate. This so we
can communicate more effectively and stop driving one another crazy.
Bad Vibes
Have you ever seen someone walk in the room with a bad attitude? And when you look at that person you feel
very awkward? You can literally feel the attitude this person exudes! We very often violate one another by believe it or not our attitudes! As I said
every attitude we have and everything we say sends out a frequency that is either positive, negative, or neutral. One
person with a good attitude can lift the spirits of everyone in the room. And one person with a bad attitude can
bring everyone in the room down. We seldom look at this type of violation, but it is the root problem for most
of the violence in our world. In fact I believe all the violence in our world can be traced back to this kind of violation.
Our Boundaries
Boundaries are simply levels of trust we share with one another. When we are around people we don't like,
we put out strong boundaries and don't open up our hearts to them. When we are with those we love and who treat
us well, our guards are down and we strive for intimacy with them. Intimacy can only be achieved by the guards
or boundaries of both people being down. But in our world today we tend to keep hard boundaries, and keep even
our own family members out. This for the simple reason that we all violate each other every day all the time. In
fact it is simply the norm, you can break someone down with a cutting personality and nothing is thought of it. There
are some people with very sharp personalities that literally violate many people everyday and think they are doing
nothing wrong. When this type of person is in a position of power, the damage they can do is exponential.
The Strong
Strong people are able to keep out the more aggressive personality and in a way shield their arrows. But many of us are
broken and have frail egos. We are open wounds with little defense from the cutting personalities around us. We try
to put out our boundaries and keep others from breaking us down, but we simply cannot. This is a horrible place
to be and when people don't like you, they can literally torment you at will.
We all need to stop being so frantic and aggressive in the way we communicate. We need to ease into our delivery
when speaking and not bark like an aggressive dog. We need to be sensitive to the boundaries of those
around us, and speak in a gentle caring fashion. There is no need to be obnoxious, or too loud in our usual
exchanges with one another. We should always speak and act in a way that doesn't break through the boundaries
of others. We need to be sensitive to those with weak boundaries and be sure not to violate them. If we all
didn't break each other down at the micro level, the we wouldn't at the global level. We need to stop solving
the symptoms and get to the heart of the problem, communication at the micro level.
You see when we demand and talk sharply to one another we cause social friction that leads to all
kinds of evil. Simply having a demanding spirit can violate someone, we need to never act in a way
that violates those around us. I am not talking about being hypersensitive to every little thing, but
simply common courtesy and respect for our fellow human beings. Too often strong people think
everyone else is like them, they don't realize how frail some of us are. They just assume they are talking
to themself and can take the level of energy they are sending out. But the level of energy they can easily
handle may break someone else down. We need to be aware of who we are speaking to and be willing
to give a softer side of us when necessary.
Tuning InIf we focus we can literally tune in to the music around us and the energy passed back
and forth between us. If we all stay in tune
with the energy we are giving out, and to those we are sending it to, we can all work together
to reduce social friction. It is the simplest levels of social friction that have caused most
of the problems in our world. It's all about not breaking each other down, and always having
to ONE UP each other. We need to not talk above each other, or below each other, but rather
with each other. So pay attention to the energy exchange next time and try to communicate in a such
a way that doesn't violate someone. This may involve simply toning down your volume or the
rate at which you speak and easing into your delivery instead of BARKING! Remember that everyone is
different and everyone may not be a strong as you are. When we focus and pay attention we can
literally feel the exchange and our hearts will tell us how we should act.
We all in a way make our own music. Some of us create classical music that can sound very boring and
some of us create rock'n'roll when we communicate. Have you ever had a brother or sister who creates
rock'n'roll to early in the morning, arghh? You wake up and want to be left alone and their mouth in the form
of a trumpet is blasting at you. I think in everyday affairs we should all try and play good ole
Barry Manilow. He is not too loud and not too soft and boring. His very personality sends out vibes
that make everyone feel good inside. It is fine to be excited and loud at times
and also soft, but in the normal exchange we should work on finding the proper balance and play some
Barry Manilow. So go out and try and make beautiful music, send out vibes that build people up, and try
and flow in harmony with the music of those around you. It's hard as there are too many people banging
their gongs and blasting their trumpets, but simply by doing our part we can make a big difference.
Communication Errors
The Barker: This is someone who often very loudly and rapidly blurts out their words. There is no
ease on the delivery and those around this person never know when something is coming down the pike. Barkers
cause much of the interruptions that happen in a social setting. The barker needs to work on easing into
their delivery and not blurt things out. They need to talk in a calmer gentler tone and often a slower
rate. This way the tension in the environment is reduced and all the interruptions are avoided. We
should all gently telegraph to one another before we speak.
The Mumbler: We've all been frustrated by the mumbler before. We may even empathize with their inability
to express themselves, but we still get so annoyed. If you are a mumbler you need to practice speaking
louder and as clear as possible. By forcing yourself initially to talking a bit louder and clearer, you can
train yourself out of mumbling. I know this because I myself have been known to mumble and rarely do any more.
The Controller: Ok the controller is the one who really drives us all crazy. This person often talks
in a very controlled, almost robotic like voice. The controller can literally make you crazy listening to them. You
know you are being violated and something just isn't right, but they just keep going as if all is well. When you confront the controller
they get very offended and paint you as hypersensitive or in need of help. If you are a controller you need to practice
coming out of your controlling rhythmn and loosening up. Relax and talk more spontaneous and quit trying to control
everyone around you with your voice. Be careful not talk fade out or taper off too strongly as this can even
dump unnecessary shame on those around you, especailly your kids.
The One Upper: It seems there are many one uppers these days. These are people who constantly have to raise
themselves above everyone else they are talking to. They do this by breaking you down so they then take control
of the conversation. If you watch a lot of late night television, you can see many of the interactions on talk shows
demonstrating this. You often have to inflated egoes duking it out for the stronger personality. The truth is those
who often do this are often very weak people. Having a stronger 'One Upping' personality is their way of compensating
for their lack of inner strength. Some of the strongest personalities I've known were also the weakest people
I knew. We need to stop all the personality jousting going on, and realize there never is a need to one up anyone.
The Always Positive One: We should try to see the brighter side of life, but we should also
keep it real. Life isn't about a pump up, or a constant heightened level of enthusiasm. This becomes
almost manic and can literally drive me crazy sometimes. Some of the early morning talk shows can be this way or
certain shows my daughter watches on Disney. It's not about being always positive and upbeat. We also have
to be real and stay in touch with reality. Sometimes things just aren't good and we need to hurt and remove
the plastic smile. There is a time to be excited and also a time to be bummed out. I think we should all strive
first and foremost to be REAL! When we are truly real the peace
and joy naturally follow. There is a big difference between someone putting on a PUMP UP and someone who is truly
joyful in their heart. We should try our best to be real and as genuine as possible while leaning on the positive
side. See the best in everything, try to look on the brighter side, but don't ever put on a show. Or pretend
to have it all together when you do not.
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